I don't know if you've picked up on it, but I have a hard time with doctors. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, and sometimes (often) worry about all that could potentially be wrong with me. With Justin. With Lizzy. With Becca. I notice the minor skin discoloration near Becca's knee that's been there since she was born. I notice the spot on Lizzy's chest that's healed with a slightly different skin texture after she fell onto the corner of a wooden step-stool. Maybe it's just a scar. I notice that Justin's been tired a lot more than normal lately, and that his cough is still a little junky, even after antibiotics. I notice the little spot on my arm that I always end up scratching in my sleep and hasn't quite healed in a couple of months (the one being removed on Friday). On occasion, that worrying has served me well. But in general, the worries pan out to be nothing. Which is fine. I'm all about listening to your body and your gut feelings, but I could also stand to refrain from assuming that someone is dying until a concern is actually raised by someone other than Dr. Google. And as of yet? No concerns have been raised, so I probably need to chill.
But as always, I've got some anxiety leading up to these doctors appointments, and it's three-times worse than normal, because it's three appointments in two days. Rapid succession. So tonight, I dug into the James Bible Study that I've re-started. I picked up Jesus Calling, after accidentally first picking up another devotional that's the same color. And it's one of those days where instead of scripture making me feel better, it's kinda making me freak out even more
I mean, the James study begins, "Consider it great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."
The Faith Alone devotional by Martin Luther begins with saying that we're "temporary residents". I read tomorrow's devotion in hopes that it was a little more comforting, but it says, "But in the middle of trials and conflicts, it's difficult to call out to God, and it takes a lot of effort to cling to God's Word."
Oh, I'm not done yet. Jesus Calling? "With my help, you can overcome any obstacle." I read tomorrow's entry for that one too, again, hoping for something else. And guess what it says? "Every time you affirm your trust in me, you put a coin into my treasury. Thus, you build up equity in preparation for days of trouble."
And because I'm apparently not getting the message thus far, I just now opened up my Bible to a random spot. I landed somewhere in 1 Peter 2. The heading? "The conduct of God's people in the midst of suffering."
Trials. Suffering. Conflicts. Days of Trouble. Suffering. I'm sensing a distinct theme here, I don't like it very much, God. It's kind of freaking me out, to be honest.