Tuesday, January 3, 2012


- The Ducks won the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1917 (I think) yesterday! Quack Quack! We had some friends and family over to watch the game, and I'm so glad we did. It was just a fun, stress-free day. And I so welcome staying busy this week, because it gives me less time to sit and let my mind wander to our trip to Portland at the end of the week.

-Speaking of the trip to Portland, I had a full-blown anxiety attack on New Year's Eve. It came out of nowhere. We were laying in bed, about to go to sleep, and all of a sudden, my heart was racing and I could hardly breathe. Suddenly, I was absolutely petrified that we'll get up to Portland for the procedure on Friday, and the doctor will tell me that my skin cancer is incredibly advanced, and that I'm like the one person in the world to which it has actually metastasized and that the prognosis is terrible. I have no reason to think this is the case...everything my doctor has told me has indicated and demonstrated that the exact opposite is true. And in my logical part of my brain, I know that. But the unknown is scary, and my brain starts following terrible trains of thought--You're already in an incredibly small percentage of people who have this type of skin cancer. What makes you think you won't be one of the small percentage of those for whom it is deadly?

It makes me mad. Mad that I'm spending the time worrying about it. Mad that I can't get the thought out of my head even though I KNOW worrying about it now won't do anything to prevent or change it if that is in fact the case. Logically, I *know* that it is pointless to worry until/unless I am explicitly given a reason to worry. But sometimes, it's hard not to be a little scared of the unknown. So, on New Years Eve, I just laid in bed singing songs in my head, and eventually fell asleep.

- Before the anxiety attack, the band spent New Year's Eve playing a concert for Celebrate Recovery. It was a ton of fun! Here's a video re-cap (shot with a point and shoot camera, so the quality isn't perfect). The first song in the mash-up is one of the ones that I sing in my head when I start to feel that fear/anxiety creep into my mind. It's called "Give Me Peace" and the chorus goes: Give me peace, I am weary with no rest. Give strength to my weary hands in this mess. Take a listen if you wish--in the second song of the mash-up, you can even hear J sing!

-In fun Portland news though, my former-sort-of-roommate Sara sent J and I a gift certificate for The Cheesecake Factory, which I am REALLY excited about! She and Lisa have been spoiling me rotten these past couple of months! Can you believe I've never eaten at The Cheesecake Factory before? What's good?


  1. We LOVE LOVE LOVE the Thai pasta dish there, it is not spicy and seriously delicious! And of course cheesecake :)

  2. You will be in my prayers. I will be starting medical treatments this week and keep reminding myself that the Lord says "do not be afraid" 365 times in the Bible. Makes life's hiccups a little easier to handle :-)

    And enjoy Cheeseckae Factory! Ive only been once so i don't feel qualified to suggest anything.

  3. Fried macaroni and cheese. Sounds bizarre, tastes amazing!

    And from a fellow Portlander, I hope your surgery goes well. I will carry some of your worry for you. I am a huge worrier too and if I can help out, let me know! ; )

  4. You're going to be just fine, I can feel it in my bones. <3 <3 Also, have you ever been to Celebrate Recovery? I've heard amazingly good things about it and Nick and I have been thinking about going.

  5. I love the iced tea at the Cheesecake Factory. And the side salads. And pretty much everytihng else. I'm thinking abut you while you are going through this. As for being nervous and scared - we're all human and that's how humans work. Try to go easy on yourself. (I totally know that's easier said than done.)

  6. Well, first I have to stick up my nose to your Rose Bowl win yesterday. UW Madison is my alma mater so you know...we're not too happy about that over here ;)

    Secondly, we're all rooting for you and praying for a great outcome in Portland.

    And third, the chicken marsala at the Cheesecake Factory is divine and yummy! And definitely get cheesecake :)

  7. I really like the Pasta Da Vinci from Cheesecake Factory.

    I'm pretty sure I would be just like you, even though I know logically worrying is not going to do me any good, and the doctors tell me not to worry, I would just keep on worrying. But everything should go just fine and you will put this behind you before you know it!

  8. SThinking of you and so glad you have some things to look forward to on your trip. Aside from the cheese cake I am a little clueless... we always go there for just dessert. Eat at home and splurge on the sugar!

  9. You are going to do great on Friday!

    FYI - EVERYTHING at Cheesecake is good. :)

  10. Thinking of you! :) I just know things will turn out ok. LOVE Cheesecake Factory- they have a red velvet cheesecake that is amazing!


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