Tuesday, November 29, 2011

So. An update about the bruise.

So, I just got a call from the dermatologist. She said that they are sending my "bruise" to Portland for a second opinion because it could be benign scar tissue, but it could also be that "zebra" she was telling me about, which something called a "DFSP" and is a very rare sarcoma. They should have the results in about two weeks. She then said (and I wrote this down pretty much exactly because I will need to remind myself of this over the next two weeks), "I don't want you to stress out because this isn't a big issue. This kind of sarcoma doesn't have lasting health effects or anything like that. It's not a big deal. If it comes back as positive, it would just require another in-office surgery to make sure we got it all, and we may want to do that anyway."

When we got off the phone, I was a little confused and obviously scared that she was talking about a "sarcoma". So, I googled "DFSP", and was not at all prepared for all the scary info that came my way. I don't know--even though I know sarcomas are cancer, from the way that the dermatologist portrayed it as really being no big deal, I just wasn't prepared for all the cancer info that popped up...and while a lot of it did say that the survival rate is much higher than other cancers (the 5 year survival rate is 99.2% and the 15 year survival rate is 97.2%), the bottom line is that I was just not prepared to even be seeing words like "survival rate".

And I couldn't stop myself from thinking 'Well, if it IS this extremely rare form of skin cancer that only like 5 in a million get anyway, what's to say that I wouldn't be the exception to the rule when it comes to the survival rate as well?'

Ugh. This is scary.

But on the other hand, nothing is for sure yet, and it could just be scar tissue and be totally fine.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next two weeks without totally freaking out.

I'll tell you one thing though--tomorrow, when Justin gets paid,I'm going to order What Women Fear by Angie Smith. I'm going to carve out time every day to try and study and pray. I'm going to try to actually accept the comfort and strength that God readily offers to me. And right now, I'm going to curl up on the couch, and watch a movie with my sweet girl.

15 comments:

  1. Remember: "survival rate" doesn't mean that the 3% of people who died after 5 years mean that they died from the cancer (necessarily), there could be plenty of other extraneous causes (e.g. natural death, heart attack, anything not related to the cancer). Don't diagnose yourself through WebMD and Google 'cuz you're just going to freak yourself out!

    <3 Praying for you, love!

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  2. Excuse me, 3% after 15 years.

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  3. Big hugs----I know it's SO hard not to assume the worst here, and I totally fail at that every time. But please try to be comforted by God, like you said. Very interested in the book you mentioned, too. I have faith it is going to be JUST fine!! Also, I am stealing pictures you pinned on pinterest right now---love the colors!

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  4. Thinking about you, Meredith and prayers are coming your way that it's nothing serious. I hate that you have to worry about this during the holidays though!

    I have What Women Fear sitting on my end table in the living room just waiting to be read. From the few glances I took at it, it looks excellent.

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  5. Yuck. I say trust your dermatologist on this one - she wouldn't tell you it was not a big deal, out of concern for her own career, unless she truly believed that it wasn't. You'll be in my thoughts, because waiting is always scary!

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  6. Don't worry. I know -- easier said than done, right?

    Think about the survival rate like this -- I'm sure there are survival rates for everything. Like, what's the survival rate for you driving to the grocery store? Probably about 99.5%. What's the survival rate for going on vacation? Maybe less? So think about it like that. Life is a big worrisome time...but this WILL be better.

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  7. Well, I kinda just went through something simillar with my husband. He didn't have a bruise but skin cells that came back positive for melanoma. More tests later (around the same time i found out some big news) and we finally found it out it didn't spread. After talking to a lot of ppl, that is their experience with it as well. I know it is scary but coming back as the sarcoma doesn't mean the worst. He's had to have several laser treatments to remove it but that is as far as we have to go! I know when we were worried, that hearing news like this made us feel better. BUT, like others said, your dr isn't worried so try not to!

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  8. Sending big hugs your way. Praying it is nothing serious!

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  9. Adding you to my prayer list sister! Even when doctor's say don't stress, I think that's a trigger to stress!

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  10. Crap... what great info to tell you and then a 2 week wait. Snuggle Lizzy and think good things. Praying for you.

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  11. Thinking about you. I know waiting is the worst part so I hope you find more information out soon. For now, stay away from google if you can. Sending prayers.

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  12. Thinking and praying for you. Keep us updated.

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  13. friend,
    i literally saw the title of that book, 'what women fear', YESTERDAY ... and immediately thought: i have to read that book. and now i see it on your blog! wild. eager to hear what you think about it.
    and re: waiting those 2 weeks ... i remember that feeling when i had to wait that long for an u/s for josiah, back *early* in pregnancy when i was spotting and SO fearful. i literally said - i cannot wait this long. and i did. and now that was over a year ago ... and he is fine. right? :)
    hugs!

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  14. The number one thing I have learned this year is to have faith and rely on God. I know that might seem like a mundane statement, but I've seen God do the impossible in our life this year ( our house situation for example) and am totally relying on God to give us guidance as we deal with a health situation with Kylie, even heal her from it.
    Pray hard, have faith and He will deliver you. Knowing that He is in control is the only way to not be stressed. This is in His hands, OK? :)

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  15. Praying hard b/c I can tell you and I would handle this the same way. And I know how scared you must feel. Keep us posted.

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