So, I just got a call from the dermatologist. She said that they are sending my "bruise" to Portland for a second opinion because it could be benign scar tissue, but it could also be that "zebra" she was telling me about, which something called a "DFSP" and is a very rare sarcoma. They should have the results in about two weeks. She then said (and I wrote this down pretty much exactly because I will need to remind myself of this over the next two weeks), "I don't want you to stress out because this isn't a big issue. This kind of sarcoma doesn't have lasting health effects or anything like that. It's not a big deal. If it comes back as positive, it would just require another in-office surgery to make sure we got it all, and we may want to do that anyway."
When we got off the phone, I was a little confused and obviously scared that she was talking about a "sarcoma". So, I googled "DFSP", and was not at all prepared for all the scary info that came my way. I don't know--even though I know sarcomas are cancer, from the way that the dermatologist portrayed it as really being no big deal, I just wasn't prepared for all the cancer info that popped up...and while a lot of it did say that the survival rate is much higher than other cancers (the 5 year survival rate is 99.2% and the 15 year survival rate is 97.2%), the bottom line is that I was just not prepared to even be seeing words like "survival rate".
And I couldn't stop myself from thinking 'Well, if it IS this extremely rare form of skin cancer that only like 5 in a million get anyway, what's to say that I wouldn't be the exception to the rule when it comes to the survival rate as well?'
Ugh. This is scary.
But on the other hand, nothing is for sure yet, and it could just be scar tissue and be totally fine.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next two weeks without totally freaking out.
I'll tell you one thing though--tomorrow, when Justin gets paid,I'm going to order What Women Fear by Angie Smith. I'm going to carve out time every day to try and study and pray. I'm going to try to actually accept the comfort and strength that God readily offers to me. And right now, I'm going to curl up on the couch, and watch a movie with my sweet girl.