Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wedded Wednesday- Good Heart

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.
See more Wedded Wednesday bloggers at Marital-Bless

One of the most recognized Bible verses is probably 1 Corinthians 13--you know, the "love is patient, love is kind" verse that is read at almost every wedding ceremony you've ever been to. But I want to talk about a different part of that verse today:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I have a friend and former co-worker Emily, and she and I used to talk about our faith and marriage sometimes. She was (and is) a fantastic source of encouragement, and I still remember one particular conversation that she and I had about marriage. I think Justin and I were having some silly argument, and I was explaining to her why I was mad at him (which I think was that he promised he'd drop off the check for our car payment, had forgotten, and we ended up with a late fee). She responded that she could understand my frustration, but that it was important to remember that Justin came to the situation with a good heart. And it just clicked for me--Emily was totally right. Justin had come to the situation with a good heart. He was trying to take something off my plate. His intent was loving and helpful. Yes, he forgot and didn't follow through, but it wasn't his intent to not pay the car payment on time. And as someone who loves him, my response should have been one of forgiveness and grace, not anger, because again, he had come to the situation with a good heart
After that day, Justin and I talked a lot about remembering that we each come to almost every situation with a good heart. Very rarely, if ever, does either of us come to a situation intentionally trying to upset the other. And once we both talked about remembering each others' good hearts and good intents, I've noticed that we argue much less often. But sometimes, I still have to stop and remember the good-hearted approach. In fact, I did just this morning...

Right after Lizzy was born, I was invited to a Mom's group. I was super, super excited to go to the group, and had been looking forward to it for weeks. The group only meets every couple of weeks, and the next meeting was scheduled for today from 9am-11am. I was in the middle of getting Lizzy and I ready to go this morning, when I got a text from Justin. "I have your car key. I'll try to drop it off later today." 

We only have one car key for the car that I drive. Justin had it. He was on a call and couldn't bring it to me. The mom's group started in 30 minutes. I was stuck. And I was MAD. I saw my cell phone flash that Justin was calling, and I had to take a few deep breaths to keep myself from yelling at Justin. And as I tried to remain calm as I answered the phone, Justin immediately apologized. And as much as I still kind of wanted to yell and scream, I realized that again, he had come into the situation with a good heart--he had my car keys because they also had the mail key on them and he had gotten the mail for me yesterday. He hadn't thought, 'Oh, I don't want Meredith to go to the Mom's Group, I'll take her car key so she can't go.' He had a good heart, and so my response shouldn't be one of anger. I shouldn't hold this mistake over his head the rest of the week. I need to consciously choose to be slow to anger in this situation, because of Justin's good heart. 

So I guess that I want to encourage you all this week to remember that most of the time, your spouse comes to the table with a good heart. And knowing that, would your response to your spouse change in a frustrating situation?


  1. I just put myself in that situation & I would be screaming mad at my husband. I overreact. A lot. I'm going to try my best to keep this post in mind next time something like that happens.

  2. I 100% agree with Lane...I always get upset about silly stuff and can't ever let it go. I'll try this approach and hopefully it will work. Thanks for bringing back WW!

  3. Great post! I always get upset about dumb things- thanks for the reminder!

  4. I love this post! Its such a good thing to remember! I know I need to remember it when I get upset that Hubbyt ook out the trash but didn't replace the bag. He always takes the trash out for me, and even if I have to replace the bag, at least I'm not trudging around in the snow with a giant bag of trash.

  5. This is an awesome post. Thanks for the reminder!

  6. Very good post, and something I need to be reminded of myself. Thanks for talking about it!

  7. I don't get mad too often- but when I do I could definitely benefit from telling myself this. Good post.

  8. A-men!!

    This was something that was first introduced to hubby & I at the "Love & Respect" conference we attended last September, and it is so true!

    Thanks for the reminder, because I tend to anger easily and forget to think about his intent, coming into things with a good heart, not one of malice.

  9. I'm also one to turn little things into big things. I will keep this in the back of my mind the next time C does something to piss me off. :) thanks mere!

  10. So I had to come back and leave another comment. =)
    Last night H got home late after a long day. He was warming up what I had cooked for dinner and was getting in the silverware drawer for a fork. I was bent down below it putting away some tupperware. I stood up and hit my head so hard on that silverware drawer. It hurt SO bad and I could have gotten really mad, but I didn't. He apologized profusely and I said "I know you didn't mean to." He then said "thanks for not getting mad at me!"
    Ha! just had to tell you that your post had an impact.

  11. Such a great reminder Mer. Seriously needed.


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