In the past couple of days, a mother has made news with her article on New York Times' Motherlode blog about her decision to give up a child that she had adopted. You read that right. This mother adopted a child from South Africa who had been abandoned by the side of the road, and 18 months later, the mother decided that they weren't bonding, and so she went to an agency, and found him another home.
You can read an article about the situation here, and the mom's blog about the situation here.
Today, I'm curious what you guys think about this situation. Did Anita do the right thing by recognizing that she couldn't parent her adopted son, and consequently giving him up for adoption? Do you think she should be commended, or criticized?
I wish that I could say I was unfamiliar with this circumstance. Unfortunately, most of the teen cases that pass my desk are situations in which the teen was actually adopted, but when they reach those difficult teen years, the adoptive parents drop the kids off at child welfare, and say that they can't do it anymore.
Now, these are unquestionably difficult kids--they're often experimenting with drugs, stealing, having sex, and are pretty defiant. But my heart aches so often for these kids who more than anything, need someone to love them unconditionally, as a parent should.
The child that Anita adopted was unquestionably a difficult child who needed an extremely skilled set of parents, and probably needed to be the only child in the home. Frankly, I wonder why the agency approved the adoption in the first place. It's good that Anita recognized that she didn't love her adoptive son as her own, and consequently wanted to get him into the arms of someone who could, but on the other hand, 18 months is NOT much time when you're dealing with a child who has attachment problems--it can take YEARS of family interaction therapy.
Personally, I think a commenter on the Motherlode blog said it best when she said, "The question lingering in my mind is: If you had instead given birth to a difficult son after five daughters - a son who wouldn’t attach due to autism, for example - would you have put him up for adoption?"