Do you guys ever read the Texts From Last Night website? Most of it is pretty raunchy and sad (and probably not work-safe), but sometimes, it is absolutely hilarious:
(443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
(314): I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
(920): in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish.
(403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
(480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
(760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
(773): I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
(716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
(1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
(516): He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
(345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
(574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
(978): im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
(1-978): this is your brother
(434): KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Remember--today is the last day to Ask Justin Anything!