So there's this song by Tenth Avenue North called "By Your Side" that has sort of become my anthem this week, so I guess we could call it a belated Sunday song. Part of the song goes, "I'll be by your side, wherever you fall. In the dead of night, whenever you call. Please don't fight these hands that are holding you." Let's just say that I've been doing a lot of late night calling lately, and this song brings a brief moment of comfort. Here's the You Tube video:
I talked to J. There's pretty much no way that he'll be flying back on Friday. They're thinking that he may be driving back on Sunday morning if we're REALLY lucky, but more realistically, Monday. I have to say, hearing that was like a punch in the gut. I really had my hopes up that he'd be back on Friday--there are just a ton of things that we're supposed to be doing this weekend and that he'll now be missing: our niece's birthday party, my dad's birthday, my aunt and uncle coming to visit us and see the new house, he's supposed to be leading two worship services on Sunday, and he'll most likely be missing band practices on Monday. And that's just the external things...forgetting the fact that I NEED to have him here. For some reason, my mind equates him being gone for work this week with him being gone forever. Somehow, my mind has me convinced that he's going to get into a car crash, or airplane crash, or construction accident, and I won't ever see him again. I know that's a pretty irrational thought, but in my mind right now, it's a very real thought. I know that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, but right now, it's completely consuming. And I'm having a hard time coping. To be honest, I'm kind of a basket case. If there weren't so many things going on this weekend, I would probably drive up to see him. It would be totally worth it, even if I only saw him for a couple of hours at night. Honestly, I won't relax at all until I see him.
I'll tell you this much--if he does come back Monday, I'm taking Tuesday off work, and we're locking ourselves in the house all day long.