Lately, people have been asking us when we're planning on having kids. We both know that we want them, and a BIG part of me wants to say to heck with it all and start trying now. We've both been praying about it, but to be honest, I'm not sure that I'm feeling led either way.
When I'm faced with a big decision, I DO pray about them, but sometimes I struggle with knowing where to go from there. I don't often feel like I "hear" what God is calling me to do, which is frustrating to me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only Christian that doesn't often hear God speaking to them. Sometimes it feels like it.
But then again, as a friend once pointed out to me, God isn't going to buy a billboard that says "MEREDITH, take this job and not that one" or "MEREDITH--now is the time to start having kids!". But in a lot of ways, that's what I want. People have told me that ideas that pop into our heads out of nowhere is actually God speaking to us. Or it's just that "gut feeling" we have and can't necessarily explain.
But what about when the things that I want and the things that God wants are different? Could I really be sure that my "gut feeling" is what God wants and not simply what I want? Could I trust myself to listen to my gut and not find ways to push it aside? It would be so much easier to have a big, clear billboard!