My life has been bi-polar lately. Great amazing days, followed by really bad days. Today has been the latter for me. First of all, I had to help with a night training at work tonight, which means I just got home about 20 minutes ago. Justin is still working nights, and he left about 10 minutes ago. I recognize that some people have things far worse than I do. I recognize that we're blessed to both have jobs. I recognize what a blessing it is that he gets automatic overtime when he works nights. But this has made me very weary lately. Honestly, I've hardly seen my husband all week. And it's been a ROUGH week at work. Even though I can't share the details with him, just being there, making me laugh...all those things are support for me. And I haven't had it this week. We've tried to still do the Love Dare this week, but even that has been difficult because we just aren't seeing each other.
I hate being alone in these apartments at night. I hate being alone at night at all, but especially in these apartments. The complex as a whole knows where I work, and doesn't see it as a positive. I do NOT like being here alone, especially today. In fact, it was a particularly bad incident here that has caused us to start house hunting. A few months ago, we came home to one of our neighbors being kicked in the head while he was unconscious in the parking lot. There were kids watching. No one would stop it. Justin did, and I called the cops. It was completely out of control. They all know I was the one that called the cops. And people are STILL mad at me. In fact, I hear them talking about how the only reason no one has started any shit with me is because no one wants to mess with Justin. That's ONE of the incidents. One that Justin KNOWS about. There are many more that I CAN'T tell him about, all of which cause me to be leery about being here by myself.
Until today, I had been telling myself that it would all be over soon. I had been telling myself that this is the last week Justin should have to work nights for awhile. That tonight is the last night. Granted, we have a VERY busy weekend, but I was looking forward to locking the doors and staying home all day Monday with my husband.
Until I got the news. The news is that they're shipping Justin off to Washington to work for awhile. We're not sure how long--maybe a week, maybe two, maybe longer. And he doesn't get to come home until they're done. And wait for it....they will either leave this Sunday or next Sunday. Justin called to tell me right away. I had to employ some serious breathing techniques to not start screaming at Justin immediately. I know it isn't his fault. I know he doesn't have a choice in the matter--I'm mad at the situation, not at him. But I'm still tired, and scared, and frustrated, and angry.
I got home tonight at 8:20. Justin had to leave at 8:45. I walked in, and Justin was watching The Hulk. I could not get him to turn off the damn TV for the life of me. We had 25 precious minutes together today, and The Hulk got all of them. That was all Justin was interested in tonight. By 8:40, I was sobbing. I just couldn't do it anymore, and Justin had no idea why I was upset. I told him, and while he apologized about The Hulk, I think he thinks I'm being a big baby about the whole thing.
And like I said, I know there are people who put up with this much, much longer. But I was not cut out to be one of those people. And I am just so tired.